Some How

You know, all I ever wanted was to prove to you what I couldn't prove to myself.
I wanted to scream it in your ear to ensure you heard it.
But, I guess somehow I didn't plan on someone already having told you the opposite of me.
I never wanted to hurt anyone. All i wanted to do was help others.
Some how instead you managed to  scream in my face how I was the destruction of it all. The weight those words carried were deeper than marinas trench.
You don't know much pain you permanently instilled in me.
All I ever wanted was to be what you wanted, what you were looking for and instead I was popping pills.
You looked me in the eyes and said I was the sole reason for things going wrong.
Communication is irrelevant these days because some how as long as someone gives you a reason to blame someone for what they didn't do, there's no reason to talk about it.
I have to see you every damn day and stare pain in the face.
There is no end to this hurt. I can't put it on a shelf and save it for a rainy day when no ones around anymore.
You destroyed me. You taught me what it is like to be to be terrified beyond belief. You are what a contradiction looks like. You preach goodness but you are hell behind those doors.
Keep blaming me please. Because I will keep trying to rise above.
The only times you will see me cry are when someone is blaming me for hurting people and when a my favorite TV show character dies.
I know what it is to hurt. Don't you ever think i would wish that on anyone else.

Tell me, am I good enough?

Tell me when my jokes are funny enough to make your insides cramp of joy.
Tell me when my hair is damaged enough to be appealing to you.
Tell me when the makeup begins to weigh me down.
Tell me when to chuckle and how not to snort
Tell me when I finally fit the mold you have cast for me.

Your approval was suffocating my thoughts, wrapping each finger tighter.
This paradox of a society has got me pinned
Speak your mind they say but, not to loud
Equality they say,
Be yourself, yourself is enough but don't say this or wear that.

I refuse to be yet another contradiction this world has birthed
I refuse to do anything but think for myself and my ideals
How can we pride ourselves on what good we have achieved when the bad out weighs the good?
How can we pride ourselves on our Happiness when we inflict sadness on others or simply don't spread the joy?
Have we evolved into such selfish people that we can no longer share?

When children cry themselves to sleep because of what they are not, we have failed.
When we discourage more than encourage we should wear shame for clothes.
How dare we mold the future as if its our own today.
Live in the moment they say yet, we are planning our tomorrows away

What I need to know is that if I cast my own mold can I still be enough?

Tell me that when my veins tango with the blade I am still lovely.
Tell me that when I cant seem to want to find my way out of my bed that am still ideal.
Tell me that when I refuse to eat that I am ravishing.

16 Lessons For 16 Years

Just like everyone else I have faced by hardships, joyful times and the middle ground of sitting around waiting for inspiration to cure the boredom.  They say that when one door closes another opens but, only you have the key to open it. These are lessons I've gathered during my sixteen years. I aspire to touch the hearts of others. So with out further ado I give you a mere 16 lessons and their sub-parts to tickle your brain.

Lesson 1.  You are alive.

• When something goes wrong I like to say to myself, "Well....hey, I'm alive". This simple reminder puts the little rock in the road into perspective. 

Lesson 2. Don't take the back seat in your life. Be the driver.

• If it will impact you, you must have a say.

Lesson 3. Optimism in all times, sets a deer apart from a fawn.

Lesson 4. Be all in or don't do it at all. Fear is not a good enough reason for you to miss out on life's wonders.

Lesson 5. Don't loose yourself because you want others to like you. It's not worth loosing yourself for. The moment you start trying to please others will be when you aren't able to.

Lesson 6. When life throws you a curve ball, stay calm and knock it out of the park.

Lesson 7. You can do it. It's just a matter of will you?

• It's yours for the taking if you want it.
• If it feels right do it. Your intuition is key!

 Lesson 8.  Love is like an onion; It has layers.

Lesson 9.  Keep all but one of your kings in the back row.

Lesson 10. You have to be your number one supporter. You have to believe in yourself. If you don't who will? You are to wear yourself like you believe it.

Lesson 11. You'll never be able to fly if you keep one foot on the ground.

Lesson 12. Do it. Worry about consequences later. You can always regret doing something but at least you did it. Damned if you do and Damned if you don't so might as well do.

Lesson 13. You can make any situation better. Always. Silver linings aren't always obvious but, they are more than worth the work.

Lesson 14. You don't need someone by your side for you to be happy.

Lesson 15. They say happiness is a mindset. So is fear.

Lesson 16. In time what you have planted now, you will harvest.