First Real Something

I thought it would be like a first bee sting.
I felt void.
I thought it would make Niagara falls yearn to be my eyes.
Not one tear.
I thought you wouldn't be in my thoughts no more.
I dream of you.
I thought you wanted me. I thought i wanted you.
But the mind can not force the heart to jump hurdles when there is nothing to skip a beat for.
The heart can be easily persuaded but not into love.
I just wanted it so bad. I wanted to be yearned for. I wanted feel the simplistic love a blanket gives.
I think i love your mind still.
Eight moths after the flame dimmed we were friends. And we were real this time around. You knew the real me this time. I wanted the friendship, so damn much. You made me think. You told me you wanted to kiss me.
I yearn for a kiss but not from the guy that told my friends he was in love with them while he was with me.
I guess you can say it was my plan to make you miss me. I knew that i could make you fall for me. I wanted for you to look at me and wonder what made me laugh that hard; to wonder what if.
We were both guilty of something.
What makes me hate myself most is that I'm dreaming of you and I'm thinking what if I said yes to kissing you.
What if we kissed like a rabbit in the front yard. Its there all so soon then is gone and done.
Maybe we could just be study buddies so that we are ready for actual test's when it was time.
All I ever wanted was to be wanted. I'm tired of being sad.